You just bought ice cream for the family. Everyone is having a great time. Family time is a success, you mentally congratulate yourself. As you go to clean hands and faces to leave to head home, your three-year-old is not onboard with ending on a high note. There is kicking, screaming, and demands for more ice cream. A full meltdown. What now??
Understanding Emotions
Behavior is communicating a need.
Wait.. let me make that more clear.
Behavior is communicating a need.
Three-year-olds have learned about 1,000 words. This means that they literally do not have the language to communicate all of the things that they want to say. You know the feeling, right? (Even more so now with parent brain) You want to tell your partner what you need for dinner, but you can’t remember the word for asparagus… but what if you didn’t EVEN know the word? Your child knows they are feeling off- but they don’t know the word frustrated or what frustrated looks like/feels like in their body. Consequently, their little body expels that frustration (what you call a meltdown) through motion- throwing, hitting, biting- or through sound- yelling, shrieking, shouting.
Cope with a Meltdown
Suggestions for if the meltdown is CURRENTLY happening:
- Check if they are safe.
- Take a deep breath. You will not be able to help if your emotions are also heightened.
- Name their feeling. “I can see that you are feeling, _________”
- Offer two suggestions ,”Would you like to take a breath together or throw a stuffed animal?”
- Give time and space for them to pick an option.
Prevent a Meltdown
There is no magic answer that results in your child never being upset again. Let’s face it, that’s not how life works for adults either. (Have you ever watched any sport event?) However, there are ways to practice calming strategies to support your family in becoming more regulated.
Talk It Out During Play
When playing with your child and something unforeseen and terrible happens.. like the tall tower you were building crashes down, stop and talk about the big feelings that could be present. “My tower just fell over; that made me feel so MAD and SAD. I think I will take a deep breath.” Showing your child that you have feelings and strategies for managing them will help them name and manage theirs.
Name the Meltdown, When You Read It
As you read books with your child, talk about what the pictures look like. Pay particularly close attention to the characters’ faces and bodies. Check- in with your child:
- “How does it look like they are feeling?”
- “What is their face or body doing that makes you think that?”
- “Why do you think they feel that way?”
- “What could they do to help them feel better?”
Give Everyone Time
Give yourself time and space to try this out. It will take some time to feel more natural to talk about feelings. The more you try it, the more you and your child will talk about and manage their feelings!
Would you like a FREE resource to teach your child about feelings? Check this out!